It’s in the silence when I think the most, my brain thinks about everything. Some days I crave the silence, some days I need to drown out the voices in my head with noise. Saturday I craved and needed the silence all the way around. I still need the silence all the way around. There are so many voices always talking. I want all of these voices to stop and go away forever. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even to think any more, I want to silence the thoughts and I don’t want to feel anymore either. These voices drown out my own inner voice and my own inner voice needs to be heard, to be listened to.
I want to be rid of all other voices of all the other people who have been in my life, who felt that they needed to or had a right to interject, force their thoughts and poison me as a child into my adulthood and going further into my adulthood. I need to allow this inner voice to roar and be heard loudly. The only voice I want to hear is my own inner voice, the one that speaks to me from deep within and tells me what I need to hear, not what others feel I need to hear.
I want to feel free and unafraid to release the inner voice, the inner witch, the inner bitch and the beautiful Goddess that is deep inside. I want to be the proud, beautiful lioness that I deserve to be without fear.
I do believe in placing my energy in a good place. I believe that where your focus is that is where energy goes. I also believe our thoughts, our words attract what we get in life. This leads me ask myself where do I focus this energy. How do I unharness this need to be heard? What do I do to move forward and be me? Releasing this fear is my first step, which I did last night by the light of the moon. Tonight I will be outside again in my garden, giving this over the moon and the Universe. It seems each time I speak to the moon and the Universe things happen for my greater good and I am ready for it.
I know that I need to take time to clear out more of the cobwebs of my mind, heart and spirit, removing all the nasty, dirty filth left behind by others who entered my heart, my life, my mind and yes even my spirit. I need to remove all the negative thoughts, the negative feedback, the cruel non construction criticism of others that led to my own self destruction.
All I have now is an empty shell on fertile ground where I need to start to rebuild my life to my own liking.
I am ready to grow!
I am ready to shine out like the sun, after all others say I am “Rae of Sunshine”. I want to shine again and be a light to others.